“The best boss I ever had.” That’s a phrase most employees have said or heard at some point. But what happens when someone has to deal with the opposite or has a narcissist as a manager? Not only does this cause a great deal of frustration, it can also lead to absenteeism and burnout. The Dutch psychologist, Alice Vlottes, recently wrote “Narcissism in Organizations”, her second book on the subject. In the article below she offers some tips about how to recognize narcissist managers and how to deal with them.
For her book, psychologist Alice Vlottes spoke with 19 people who had to deal with a narcissist in management at work.
Charisma
In the initial phase, for example, when a new manager is taken on, it is difficult to realize that people will be dealing with a narcissistic manager.
“Everyone is initially taken in by the charisma of the narcissist, into being charmed. A narcissist is very communicative so at the job interview he/she jokes, asks good questions, and presents a great image,” says Vlottes.
“The bad sides disappear. Only once someone has experienced such a person, will he/she recognize the behavior,” says Vlottes. “For example, at the interview, the recruiter may ask the narcissist about his/her successes while working in teams. Then when he starts talking about himself again, the interviewer has to pay attention.” A good tip is to ask about how he connects with his team. “An experienced organizational manager can deal with resistance within an organization, but the narcissist says: ‘we will continue in my way’.”
Lots of promises and always on the go
After taking office, the narcissist always starts off with many promises but little actually comes from him and he is difficult to reach and always on the road.
“He is no longer in contact with the team, as managing such a team is a challenging job. He feels better when he scours networking drinks events because that’s where he gets the attention he needs. His only goal is his own gain. He gathers the people around him who believe in him, makes promises, and snaps at the people he cannot use to achieve his own goals,” the psychologist comments.
As he gathers followers around him and focuses mainly on himself, his team suffers. Mutual distrust and a negative atmosphere arise because most people do not receive praise or feel motivated to make something of the job.
“The best people leave quickly, there is a lot of absenteeism due to illness, and the number of burnouts increases,” says Vlottes. “There is a lot of uncertainty and fear of failure because people no longer know what is the right thing to do because the manager always knows better. He wants to control every step. Creativity disappears because it offers no room for mistakes. A team in progress learns from mistakes. In a team where many are burnt out, the learning capacity disappears. And because employees stand still, they go backwards. The manager then says: ‘it’s not my fault’,” adds Vlottes.
Not being critical
As an employee, a person is not going to be able to change the narcissistic manager so attack is not the best policy in this case, explains Vlottes.
“The employees should really just go their own way and ignore the manager. The best strategy is for them to be critical, keep following their own line, and don’t become dependent on him,” advises Vlottes.
What also helps is for the employee to show the manager that they have self-esteem and are important because then that employee becomes more interesting.
“If the employee knows important people, he finds him/her interesting. The question is how far does someone go with that. They also have to take care so the manager doesn’t feel offended,” mentions the author of the book.
How can a board of directors prevent a narcissistic manager from going too far?
“It all starts with the fact that the board of directors needs to know that a narcissist exists. They are guided too much by the beautiful stories, and then they may be less inclined to walk into the workplace and talk to people about this. The main director has to keep asking the employees questions in order to know the real situation and how they feel about it,” concludes Vlottes.
